Helping others keeps me well

The Enemy Within

So many people comment how busy I am, I'm always on the go & to be careful I don't burn out - to be honest, keeping busy keeps me alive and well.

For those who don't know my story, here is the story in short form.

I am a Wiradjuri 1st Nations man born in Cowra and raised in Wagga. I was like many other Aboriginal boys from the country, dreams of playing in the National Rugby League (NRL) I signed my 1st scholarship contract at the age of 13 to the Sydney Roosters. I had a fantastic relationship with the great Arthur Beetson whom my parents lived with when my old man was playing for easts in 1985.

I was thrust into adulthood at a relatively young age, and was plying regular 1st grade bush footy at the age of 14.

I moved to Sydney to finish school having just turned 17, I was in the big smoke and I loved the atmosphere.

Even in my youth I was battling a tortuous mind of self doubt and continual noise of worthlessness running between my ears.

Joe the Rugby League player

Although having made it successfully into playing top grade NRL, I began to self medicate with alcohol and prescription and social drugs - copious amounts of drugs & alcohol were the only thing that could quieten down the noise that screamed between my ears.

After a few years of abuse on my body, I decided to give away all substance abuse. This coming December I will be 11 years clean and sober from alcohol and drugs. Give away alcohol, give away drugs - the one thing that carries burden on my life constant hi & low periods of a mental health.

Having being diagnosed with Bi Polar/ Manic Depression in late 2008 I was medicated (& still am) and after a marriage breakdown, then a breakdown of another relationship - all of a sudden I went from having great pride in being a father, nor not living with 3 of my kids - things begin to really get on top of me and I decided that the world would be better off without me. On a day where the battle inside my head increased beyond imagination, I sat and wrote letters to my children saying if they ever needed me, jus talk and talk - I will never be far away, I'm proud of you, I love you, but sorry I can't be there for you anymore.

I then attempted to take my life...

Very fortunate I woke the following day, with a foggy head of confusion!!

I was later admitted to a mental health facility and told I was lucky to have survived. I knew that I had been given a second chance; in that moment I made a promise to myself, that everyday I get to open my eyes I am going to make positive impact on somebody's life. From that day forth I set out on helping people who struggle with similar illness I have (Bi Polar) and anyone who is not having a great time in their current circumstances & mental illness.

It was a couple of years after, in 2014 I decided to make my battles public. The release of short film The Enemy Within detailed my struggles. The amount of people that came forward, telling me of their struggle & how me opening up had given them hope to lead a more positive life.

Since my attempt, I have helped countless people across the globe through my awareness and education programs with my charity The Enemy Within.

Joe the boxer

My sporting life has had its ups and downs, just as my life has also, but I have lived as a professional athlete for approximately 15 years - playing in the NRL with South Sydney, Penrith Panthers & Canterbury Bulldogs. I finished playing rugby league and started professional boxing having 16 fights with 12 wins 3 losses 1 draw. I won the WBF world title twice, WBF International & Continental also the WBC Asia Continental title. Approaching the end of my boxing career, boxing has taught me how to remain mentally strong in tough situations that life throws at us.

Living now with 4 children, I am grateful everyday I get to open my eyes.

I am lucky enough to travel across Australia and throughout USA delivering my wellness programs and have daily contact with individuals experiencing mentally tough times.

When peole tell me to look after myself, it is the business of helping others that keeps me well & alive. I have always been raised to put others before myself - but it is in helping those, I find compassion & gratefulness for the life I have been blessed to live.

I am still living my 2nd chance at life with that same promise to myself - making positive impact on people every single day that I can, and whilst ever I am alive to do so - I will continue that journey.

Every day I still live with those negative & suicidal thoughts I spoke earlier of, but it is a constant reminder that everyday is a battle...

It may battle me; it won't beat me

Jw

#ATSIPEP

It May Battle Me It Won't Beat Me

In all the conferences, speaking engagements I have attended - this Aboriginal Torres Strait Islander Suicide Prevention Conference (#ATSISPEP) has been by far the most spiritually moving and uplifting conference I have ever been to - laughs, tears and most of all a beautiful safe place for people to share experience.

With Uncle Tom Calma

The conference was well put together by a a range of people from the suicide prevention space & overseen by the brilliant Aunty Pat Dudgeon & Uncle Tom Calma.

People from across the country, majority Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander mob to hear and learn about problems in our communities with suicide. Suicide among our 1st Nations communities and although making up less than 5% of Australia's population, our suicide rates are among the highest in the world - with men 6x more likely to die by suicide than Non Indigenous men & women 7x more likely.

Smoking ceremony at the foot of the caterpillar mountains which are part of the story of Alice Springs & Arrente people  

We were all bought together on the opening day with a beautiful smoking ceremony, asking us to rid the negative of suicide in our community as we collaborate to find more ways to help empower our people - with the backdrop the beautiful ranges that make up the local caterpillar stories

There was a range of topics covered from prevention programs to spiritual enlightenment & statistics.

The one session I gained valuable insight into was the LGBTQI session. I thank brother Dameyon Bonson for sharing the perspective our brothers & sisters from the LGBTQI community go through. I also had great discussions with a couple of sister girls who educated me on particular discrimination they are faced with, in top just being of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander background.

Uncle from Nkunkari mob

Throughout the conference there was a beautiful buzz if conversation throughout regarding the beautiful Nkunkari healers. I was fortunate enough to sit & yarn with one of the uncles and weaved his healing magic on me - a beautiful experience and something I am very thankful for.

Speaking on the panel

The end of day one I was part of a panel to speak to the entire conference. I got to share my experience with suicide and my mental illness journey with a room of many people from all across the country, many different tribal groups - ball all with the common thread of helping keep our mob alive.

I was humbled when many of the conference delegates approached me asking for insight on how I've lived for so long with the resilience to fight this evil illness daily. Many with similar stories of losing multiple family members, many of them younger and in their late teens & through to older uncles and aunties - all with the commonality of not having strength to see through the tough times.. I know that feeling as I re live it in my head every single day.

I may not have the individual answers but I sure as hell extend my hand to help our people find that strength needed to get through the tough times.

The conference showed me many things, but the one most powerful thing we all shared was the love and understanding that heading back into our community to help our people find culture!!

I believe culture is the most powerful tool we can use to empower our people once again. In traditional times, there were minimal problems as their was a system set in place to enable people to work through tough times. Now we are stuck in a world built on materialistic values and not traditional pathways our youth can learn from - I urge all to delve deeper into our traditional culture to re spark our young people onto a path of wisdom and humility.

With cousin Stan Grant

The conference key notes were delivered by two powerful and inspirational people - Aunty Rosalie Kunuth Monk & my cousin Stan Grant. Both inspiring insights and  stories both with again a common theme of empowerment of our people.

Highlight for me was dancing with the Nkunkari healing group, the man dance, with stories of being proud and being a leader in our community on our return home - I will take these lessons, build more on being the best leader I possibly can be in every community I step foot in.

Finally I suggest this - at the airport I spoke to a Non Indigenous woman about how spiritually beautiful and uplifting the week was - my comment to her was;

 'I don't know why many Non Indigenous people are put off, intimidated and don't interact with our communities - they truly don't know what they're missing out on; our culture is soft, warm & spiritually beautiful, one of humility, caring & sharing...

Do me a favour, in yr community seek out an elder or knowledgeable community member and delve into it - doesn't know matter what colour race of creed you may be, once to experience it you will truly see.

With many beautiful connections made and friendships developed - I hope I come across many in the future.

Be safe & take care...

JW

Not just another conference - this one is special..

Another airport, another plane & more time away from home - however this one is  trip is a little more special to me.

I am 'on the road' heading the the nations red centre - Alice Springs, for the national Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander suicide prevention conference.

As an Aboriginal man, not only is my life expectancy approximately 15 years less than a non Indigenous male, but I am also six times more likely to die by suicide than a non Indigenous man - it is even worse for a female at seven times.

This week many like minded people from across the nation will gather in Alice Springs for a conference to discuss ways to combat suicide, also share programs that have been working in communities and also share factors that we see directly impact on those rates.

I am looking forward to learning, listening and interacting with some beautiful people  with the same interest as myself, and that is helping to keep our people alive.

In 2012 I was almost one of those statistics - this week I get to help have my say on how we can reduce those statistics.

Stay tuned...

Connection - Do You Have It?

Connection

What is connection? It could be connection to sport, family, peers or all of the above put together.

One thing I've learnt about my connection over the past week, is unity - doing it together.

Aboriginal & Torres Straight a Islander culture, is the longest living culture on earth - dating over 60,000 years. Tell me how a culture like ours last so long without the main ingredients; unity, trust, care, respect, humility and I believe the main one - love.

The past week I have been on a cultural camping trip with some close friends I class family. We sang, we laughed, we even cried - but everything we did, without even noticing - we did with those key components I mentioned above.

Living in society today, weather it be a big city or a small country community, we see this type of connection lost. We see kids on computer games for hours at a time, we see families rather sit around the television or on Facebook, rather than having a family conversation around the dinner table, we even see it in the workforce, desks partitioned off so we can get on with our own work.

I challenge you this, is or are the people you spend most of your time with, sharing any of the common values mentioned above? If so, you probably notice your relationships thriving, if not - you probably find yourself in some dark places mentally and emotionally. I believe the key to making a relationship thrive is connection. Having a connection to something, and having that reciprocated through respect, unity, love, trust, humility & love you will find a strong connection to not only your physical being, but also your spirit.

Many people who struggle in social settings, argue with friends a lot, find themselves disconnected. I challenge you this, are you living with these common traits with your everyday life?? If not, ask yourself why?? And challenge yourself to delve into these traits with your everyday relationships.

It works - 60,000+ years of continual living of this doesn't lie....

JW

Connection to culture, is important to me living a balanced life

USA Blog - 2 infinity & beyond

USA Blog - 2 infinity & beyond

Wow is all I can say - Wow!!

What a whirlwind the past 2 weeks have been, traveling 8 states in 10 days, delivering wellness & suicide prevention to in excess of over 10,000 students & young people throughout the USA.

We named the journey the #HopeHelpsHealTour and that's exactly what it was doing. The amount of young people we had contact the team with stories of heartache, sadness & mental health brain pain was incredibly sad. We shared tears of sadness and smiled through times that needed hope - a truly heartfelt experience.

In all the joy I get in helping others, I also took a great deal of honor out of spending close one on one time with both Kevin & his wife Margaret - I honestly feel we have spent time on this earth in a previous life. The car trips, laughs & constant banter between the awesome #HHH crew Me, Kevin, Marg & Lauren (Loz) was what kept us fresh the entire trip.

In working with Kevin I was able to get critical feedback on how I could improve on my delivery techniques and content to hook the audience throughout the entire sessions - I learnt plenty and a big positive for me was to lock away the structure of how I was to deliver my story. I went into this trip as a fair speaker but I believe the tips and tools I took away will benefit me in all I do moving forward in the future.

Another positive of the trip was that I signed an agreement & locked away that Loz will now act as my full time manager/assistant/all round organizer/full time pest. I love the bickering and stirring her and as much as I drive her to the brink of insanity - I'm seriously grateful for the work she does.

When we met at the 2015 Australian Suicide Prevention Conference, my organizational skills had a lot to be desired...

She helped transform my notes in my phone, in draft texts, on my hand, on my arm, inside my hat - you get the picture - to managing my emails, negotiating contracts, booking flights and general reminders that I need hourly... Now we are great friends and I believe brother & sister in a former life - Extremely thankful!!!

The tour also helped plan a few massive ideas going forward, and when they are successful, life will be heading into an exciting & challenging and venture. I am heading back across the seas in June for the entire month, with more states, schools and conferences and also August booked out again for a busy couple of months.

Plenty to look forward to and again spreading the message of suicide prevention, wellness & wellbeing.

In all the craziness of the past 2 weeks, I'm looking forward to getting home on Wiradjuri country, a kiss and cuddle from boss Courtney & my kids.

There are many amazing things that are building in the background and all the work that I am doing, their is no doubt some amazing opportunities to come - but in all honesty - if it meant the craziness of suicidal thoughts and constant negativity that murmurs between my ears every single day - if it meant that would all go away; I'd give it all up in a heartbeat!!

But as I always say...

It May Battle Me; It Won't Beat Me

JW

Big things around the corner- watch this space.. 

School Presentations

No matter how many times I hear my friend Kevin Hines deliver a key note on Suicide & Suicide Prevention, I am totally captivated. His presence, his story of fighting for survival, and the way he leaves the crowd hanging onto every word - is like magic. Kevin has been a keynote speaker and SuicidePrevention advocate for over 10years, and in every single word of every presentation I have seen - I am totally captivated and hang onto every word of the story, and when it came to me presenting today (Sunday) I realised I had so much to learn in the way I deliver my message. 

Often at times when we talk in such a traumatic topic like suicide & suicide prevention, we often come across people struggling with previous trauma caused by the loss of a loved one; today was no different.

The isle I was sitting I noticed lady who looked to by a little overcome with emotion stand up, and quietly leave the auditorium wiping tears from her eyes in progress.

I stood up and quietly and followed lady outside, as I saw that she was visibly upset. I stopped her outside and in tears she told me how her son died by suicide 18months previous.

To hear the words in Kevin's speech was traumatic to this woman, the hurt was still so raw & like many of us who battle the demons of mental health & suicide, the story is oh so similar - we hugged I told her how I was a suicide attempt survivor and I am sorry for her loss as I can relate to  her son and by choosing to end his own life, he just just wanted the pain to end..We hugged, talked more and she thanked me for taking time to see if she was ok. These stories have been too familiar, no matter the location right around the world. Helping each other and lending a shoulder to cry on, won't get their loved one back - but it will help to heal their pain.

Today I co delivered 2 sessions at Alliance for Safe Kids workshops with Kevin.

Kevin was due to open our session, which was perfect because I am someone who picks up tips and ideas to work off & I can gauge how the interaction is with the audience - so I was completely thrown off when Kevin was asked outve the room by one of the organisers - so I had to step up to the mark...

For the 1st time in my short speaking experiences, I was overcome by a tonne of nerves.

I eased my way into it and gained momentum with student interaction and before I knew it, my time was up - instead of only doing half of the session, Kevin didn't interrupt and when I glanced at the clock, I realised there was only 10mins left in the 1st group we had to talk to. Kevin wrapped up like an ace and we worked the 1st session perfectly.

The 2nd session I was a little more mindful of the timing, and wrapped up half way through the session in order to let Kevin's finish the day - as I will quietly admit I love hearing his story, as much as the students so will happy to sit in the back not only to hear his story but pick up tips on his delivery.

The one thing over the past few days that has been quite uncanny, ironic - call it whatever you will; is the random people we have come across in our path - all share a similar ripple affect of suicide & mental illness.

This morning in the gym while working out, we ask a stranger to take our picture. He noticed we both wearing The Enemy Within tank tops & asked what the shirt represents. I go onto tell how back home in Australia I have a suicide prevention charity called The Enemy Within; the man goes on to tell us the story of his son who has struggled with mental illness for quite some times. Hearing the comfort of Kevin and I both talking openly of our mental health struggles and psyc ward stays, eases his mind that his son is on the right path to recovery.

Another example was on the plane to Kansas, I sit next to a young lady who picked up on my Australian accent and we began to talk about how I came to the US - I tell her I was on a speaking tour with Kevin about our personal stories of suicide, The Ripple Effect Film & The Enemy Within Charity. She asks me - how do you find talking about it in front of strangers? My reply was 'this is my

Therapy - every day, talking to strangers is like talking to a clinical psychologist or counsellor - I speak about my struggles, and how I work hard everyday to manage it.

The reason she asked become the important, ironic, uncanny link I speak of. This young lady was an attempt survivor after a suicide attempt last year. We shared our stories, laughter and tears about the pain we kept hidden for so long, how her attempt she didn't want to upset anyone but wanted the head noise and brain pain to end - mirror image of the struggles I went through leading up to my attempt in 2012.

Suicide, and the ripple effect of suicide can cause so much heartache and pain, loss grief and sadness - but it can also share the positive side, the helping of that young lady become more confident, explaining the mind & thought processes behind a person who dies by suicide or attempt to end life by suicide - I'm order for her to have closure about her son.

I am a huge believer in Kevin's slogan Hope, Helps, Heal - because I see it in the eyes of the struggling every single day not just in my local community, district or even Australia - Hope, Helps Heal right throughout the world.

Tonight we are off to Kansas - maybe we'll run into Dorothy, Tin Man, the lion, scarecrow & Todo - where We have the Kansas County Mental Health Centre - 9 presentations in 3 days (6 high schools and 3 community providers)

8 states in 10 days, another airport, plane trip & hotel room - but I love my job of spreading hope & saving lives. So remember...

It May Battle Me; But It Won't Beat Me

Big love to all - especially back home!!

Jw

Update from the USA

I thought I would do a blog, updating my time in the USA.

Day 1 - Cincinatti

Ask Me Who I Am - Youth Conference 

With day one started, we are off to the Ask Me Who I Am - Youth Conference. http://askmewhoiam.wix.com/askmewhoiam

Weather is rather bleak, with rain and winds looking to have set in for the day.

We are off to watch our friend Kevin Hines deliver his session on The Art Of Living Mentally Well.

After in to the conference registration, we head to sit with Kevin at a near table in the venue.

Having no idea on the structure of the conference and the day planned, I was rather surprised when Kevin told me I would be co presenting with him, on the art of living well (wellness). I was nervous at 1st, although I don't mind speaking in front of people, but being the 1st time delivering in front of Kevin (not that he would judge) I felt a little nervy.

I picked up the back half of both sessions - firstly the adult mental health workers and community organizations, and spoke of the key areas in my life I focus on if I want to stay well.

Having lived my entire life with severe mental illness and suicidal ideology almost every day, living my life at a decent level with professional sport - I must be doing something right in order for me to think the way I think & feel the way I feel & not let the negatives of wanting to end my life on a daily bases, control my everyday actions. This is why my sessions on managing the Enemy Within is beginning to make waves in the suicide prevention space. I spoke of the key areas I focus on, every single day - to enable me to, do things like - sit & deliver to major boards of companies, speak in front of thousands of school students & conferences - on a daily basis. I deliver my messages of hope and hit home that living with mental illness doesn't have to define who you are!! Everyday practical living, that anybody can do. The practical living of how the world used to function before things like social media, tv or video games. This type of practical living, brings us back to our core values - these values I live with everyday.

The sessions were a huge success and were impacting on many of the students.

That evening, we fly from Cincinatti to Chicago for the American Association Of 2016 conference.

Day 2

Having recently been in the states and at the #NatCon16 conference in Las Vegas a little under a month ago - the 'Aussies from TeamRipple' (feature documentary Suicide:TheRippleEffect) became quite a hit - so we had many contacts and new friends in the Mental Health & Suicide Prevention space already in America - and was great to catch up with a few friendly faces again.

Time to get ready for the conference and spread the news of the work I do back home in Australia.

The main session I had marked for the conferences was, 'Lessons learned in working with Native Americans' - I was so excited to sit and learn about  our 1st nations brothers and sisters from the Native Americans on the ground.

In honesty, it looks as tho Native American communities in the ground over here are leading the way, likely because of funding (huge diff in our govt back home).

We sat through a session, hearing of how communities get funded $200,000US per year over 5 years (1 million US$) for empowerment programs that are used for suicide prevention & reduction. The government has already funded 42 communities in diff states, and just announced money for another 50 to be funded on top. So many positive  stories, and many changes happening which is great.

Day 3 in Chicago saw a meeting with an alternative learning school - which develops a non curriculum approach to learning; where they encourage learning, but in ways that suit the young person in order for them to achieve success. I have coordinated many youth programs in my time and my delivery and structure fitted perfectly to their setting with using, sport, exercise & nutrition to further their educational needs. Some may ask, how can these type methods help with education. Well on 2 levels, the physical exercise, health & nutrition helps the brain function the best it possibly can. Healthy meals, help with concentration levels and by doing the physical fitness components, the students are not as agitated in class, and by the time it comes to the evening, their bodies need the rest, so an early night with plenty of sleep it is...

We continued our meeting and finished with possibility of coming back to introduce the program frameworks, I have delivered into their school. This was another direct crossover to how Aboriginal & Torres Strait islander people learn back home - oral, practical learning, being shown by mentors (elders) rather than being sat in a classroom and told to copy chapters outve a text book. The very learning my people have been taught for 60,000 years - Very cool!!

Today was the very 1st time I walked around the streets in the snow. I have been to snow fields in the past, but never seen it snow in a town and walked around in it.

Tonight both Kevin and I are off to New York, where we will deliver sessions to youth for the day then on to our next location!! So many positive things happening - busy but having a ball.

Finish today in saying, The Australian government often looks to America as its big brother, well maybe they should look into the way they fund mental health programs - alcoholism and drug addiction is also a part of mental illness.

We should spend more time and resources in managing these peoples mental illness, rather then lock them away with drug & alcohol issues, where it's not treated..

Tell me what makes more sense???

Cincinatti & Chicago you've been awesome - New York, see you real soon..

JW

What Are Your Qualifications?

With so much importance placed on this, & so many live their life by this, people usually miss the point of what I believe are the most important lessons in life.

So many people spend huge amounts of time studying all different degrees to get themselves more educated and of course a few more pieces of paper on the wall - I ask myself, are these things really necessary??

Of course they are necessary to a certain point, studying and knowing the certain issue is necessary to understand - but I feel many of the people I have worked with, including psychologists, counsellors, wellbeing practitioners & even many tradies,  lack in the core values I deem most if not more important; Love, Respect, Empathy, Gratefulness, Humility & Care.

I believe you if you have these core values as an individual you go a long way in being a well credentialed person.

I spoke with a friend recently, who after years of studying in the field of youth, criminal justice - gained a job as a case worker with Family And Community Service (FACS).

Now after years of study, in a field that this person had great interests in, found themselves in a well paid job, working in the field they studied for some 5 years prior.

I found myself talking to this friend for some weeks almost after every night they finished work - due to the fact that they were struggling mentally & emotionally from the nature of the job, which was impacting on them personally. This friend had fell into the grips of depression after a number of months turning up to work, her dream job where they had so long studied to be a qualified youth worker, only to realise, they were nowhere near equipped with the tools mentally and emotionally to deal with the 'common, everyday issues' youth were faced with in their community.

My friend was upset that the fact her beautiful graduation ceremony, hours on hours of study, a degree, to learn how to be an expert or person of experience in this field - meant little, & had minimal if any impact on the ground in the qualified role.

When I began to work with this friend, in helping with wellness and mental health resilience - I began to realise, although a nice, loving & a caring person - my friend lacked in abundance the core values mentioned above.

Immediately, I knew my role wasn't solely to help my friend out've depression, but by pointing out these lack of values in their life, they would indeed be able to coach themselves out of the lows if this depressive state.

Remember - the key values I talk of;  Love, Respect, Empathy, Gratefulness, Humility & Care.

A lot of the youth my friend was working with, had a troubled & at times a traumatic upbringing - so the 1st approach must be one with empathy. A very simple quote, and word of advice I live with, in every single person I interact with everyday is - 'Treat everybody that you meet with a touch of empathy, because everyone we meet, is currently fighting a battle we know nothing about'

In case work with troubled youth, often everyday & life itself can prove a battle of a jungle - so youth especially Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander youth, a defence mechanism is put in place to not let anyone degrade, chastise or even get emotionally attached to them - knowing their journey is the way to approach this.

Love - is just a word for many people in this world, as many have never experienced love or for man youth - never been shown love - this works this same with care. Show that you care for someone, they may never have had care in their life - both giving and receiving.

Respect; everyone you talk to and care for - you cannot control if love is reciprocal however you can control the love and care you give or show  another.

By having humility, not putting yourself above anyone else - every; reciprocates gratefulness to yourself. When caring for such people who have a background or history of strife and it trouble, it is important to appreciate the little moments in time & experiences you have collected along the way in order to contribute another persons life positive. This appreciation, gives you a sense of gratefulness.

In practicing these everyday measures and key behaviours, my friend empowered themselves back to positive living and is confidently back in their job but now sees this role as a chance to have significant positive impact on another's life - my friend had to go through these downs to identify the key values of interacting with others in everyday life - their job is challenging but empowering & they have now replaced the framed university degree with a framed picture of the word gratitude!

In closing, personally I have started 2 university degrees, dropped one, still going with another - but have long been studying the degree of life, majoring in...Love, Respect, Empathy, Gratefulness, Humility & Care

JW

Wellness - Learn To Control The Controllable

Wellness

One of the biggest and best lessons I could ever learn is; when I Am driving myself mad over a certain situation or issue is - 'We can't control certain things that happen to us in our lives - but we can control how we react to it'

For so long I would get myself into a knot worrying about the outcome of an event or even the point the build up anxiety I would make myself physically sick & lock myself away in a room - & not speak to anyone or leave the room for hours.

It was only until the point I learnt I could only control the controllable -  did things begin to improve.

Sometimes it was extremely hard, as in, I couldn't influence my own mind away from the negative outcome - this is why I believe I struggled with so many situations in my sporting & rugby league life - because I believed the negative outcome more often than the positive!! I was beaten in the mind before I was physically beaten in presence.

It wasn't until I learnt a prayer in Alcoholics Anonymous, the Serenity Prayer. It talks of accepting the things you can not change, having the courage to change the things you can knowing the difference between what

You can & what you can't control.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, & the wisdom to know the difference

That prayer put me on a path to training my mind into acceptance, controlling the controllable & letting go of the rest!!

Every single day I encounter thoughts & situations where I have to put this to test. By learning to live in the present moment & control only the things that I can control, did things begin to improve - if we don't, we push the hard/negative times away, down or to the side & when it becomes to much - it starts to over flow into our physical behaviours..

With negative situations & outcomes, often we tell our selves, many things aren't fair, why me, I'm a good person, what did I do to deserve this?? Truth is, that all may be true, but it doesn't change the current situation you are in - these negative  things happen to good people too - not just you (acceptance & compassion are the things to help our minds away from negative)

Many negative situations we encounter, often lead many into depression - these situations or thoughts, are actions and thoughts of our past.

The key to moving forward is to reconcile with your past, situation, person - and accept that you can't change the past only the future...

Reconcile & Move forward from the past, find inner peace within yourself & learn build resilience for the future.

It is better to be a person of understanding & acceptance, rather then a person searching for answers..

So often we chase answers, and we want the answers yesterday/now/today because we are so impatient. The truth is, the answers will come when you find peace & a still mind..

Getting a still mind takes great practice & patience also - learn to switch off the mind!!

I find that meditation & mindfulness great for this..

By re introducing and having practical behaviours in your life helps build a place of quiet mind.

Practical skills that anyone can achieve - walking, reading, exercise, having conversations with people about common interests - loving your loved ones, show them you care (don't just tell them)

**I Love You - Is Just A Phrase**

Are you loving your loved ones???

Learn something new - cook a meal, write a story/poem/song (Encouraging the mind to think)

People who are struggling for certain answers in life, often know the right answers to their own problems - it just confirms it better when we hear it from someone else. Often it works better hearing it off others..

When searching for answers, I tell people - what advice would you give your best friend, child or loved one - when they are confronted the exact crisis you are in at the moment???

Follow that advice; because you wouldn't give a loved one the wrong or bad advice when they need would you???

Learn to control the controllable, let go of what you have no control of - it will sort it self out..

It may not have sense at the time, but in years to come - it will all be perfectly clear...

Jw

Gratefulness, Humility & Compassion - Creates Success

I am huge believer in the words scripted as the title of this blog. I believe anyone who is successful, is just like you me - but they chose to seize the opportunity when it presented itself.

We all know people who are suffering. Weather it be illness, financial breakdown the hurt caused by the loss of a loved one.

The thing is, almost every single person in history who has been successful, has a back story of physical & emotional hurt, sadness, grief or loss - they just chose to seize that moment and take it as an opportunity rather than a setback.

Michael Jordan, greatest basketball player of all time - was cut from his high school & university team. He had an option to give up, sulk, or seize that moment as a trigger to spur himself into working harder.

I have had many set backs, emotionally & physically challenging moments in my life - loss of family members, marriage breakdown, separation from children, bankruptcy, injury, suicide attempt - the list goes on...

But how I've bounced forward, rather than back (something I learnt from reading Sam Cawthorns story in book titled Transformations) is the thing that sets me apart.

The term makes sense, you would much rather bounce forward into bigger things, than bounce back to the same place you were before the set back.

I've continually strived for a higher achievement from where Ive been - always trying to make things better, improving by the tiniest of increments - the little 1% improvements always add up.

How I do this - you can do also, not by competing with me, trying to outdo anyone else or being better than anyone - but by improving yourself, again by the tiniest of increments!!

Gratefulness - always be grateful for the situation you may be in; it is easy to ind negative in every situation but choose to seek the positive - the key thing is, you opened your eyes today, meaning you are ALIVE - you are reading this blog, meaning you can READ..

Always be grateful by the situation you are in - by choosing to look for the positives. Even it they may be heavily outweighed by negative - their are still some positive, build on that!!

COMPASSION

By showing compassion to every person I interact with helps me find positives - everybody has a story we know nothing about.

The reason, that man or lady gave you a mouthful this morning might be that he didn't sleep a wink lastnight because he is going through a divorce, or his child is terminally ill?? Who knows...

I was telling a friend, I have absolutely no hate for anyone in this world - my friend then asked, what if a person seriously or callously attacked or hurt a loved ones??? My reply - that person must have a reason... Doesn't justify the act, but everyone behaves a certain way, for a certain reason..

They maybe the victim of such attack or do so out of desperation, in order to feed their family (if talking physical assault & or robbery)

Such events will seriously anger and upset me - but I would always challenge myself to find compassion for such a person, as everyone acts a certain way, for a certain reason.

HUMILITY

Always be & always remain humble. Best piece of advice my father gave me was - 'don't ever think you are better than anyone else - you are human, you will one day die and be placed in a box/or in the ground like everyone else - look at the King or queen, they still stand up or sit down to go to the toilet just like you or me (if you know my father, his words may not have been as polite lol)

There was a time I was 'lost in the bright lights' of profile and fake glamour - thankfully I am far from that person today and don't see myself better than the next person.

Gratefulness, Compassion & Humility - 3 very important keys to living a successful life; success isn't measured by money, houses clothes or fast cars - because once you find these keys in your life,  you start to realise you don't need the glitz & glamour to love or be loved - & all the money in the world can not buy you love & happiness you find in one another when you are grateful for the life you live!!

Being successful is measured by happiness

My life has been up & down - but I wouldn't change a thing...

Coz I'm happy

Jw