One of the biggest and best lessons I could ever learn is; when I Am driving myself mad over a certain situation or issue is - 'We can't control certain things that happen to us in our lives - but we can control how we react to it'
For so long I would get myself into a knot worrying about the outcome of an event or even the point the build up anxiety I would make myself physically sick & lock myself away in a room - & not speak to anyone or leave the room for hours.
It was only until the point I learnt I could only control the controllable - did things begin to improve.
Sometimes it was extremely hard, as in, I couldn't influence my own mind away from the negative outcome - this is why I believe I struggled with so many situations in my sporting & rugby league life - because I believed the negative outcome more often than the positive!! I was beaten in the mind before I was physically beaten in presence.
It wasn't until I learnt a prayer in Alcoholics Anonymous, the Serenity Prayer. It talks of accepting the things you can not change, having the courage to change the things you can knowing the difference between what
You can & what you can't control.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, & the wisdom to know the difference
That prayer put me on a path to training my mind into acceptance, controlling the controllable & letting go of the rest!!
Every single day I encounter thoughts & situations where I have to put this to test. By learning to live in the present moment & control only the things that I can control, did things begin to improve - if we don't, we push the hard/negative times away, down or to the side & when it becomes to much - it starts to over flow into our physical behaviours..
With negative situations & outcomes, often we tell our selves, many things aren't fair, why me, I'm a good person, what did I do to deserve this?? Truth is, that all may be true, but it doesn't change the current situation you are in - these negative things happen to good people too - not just you (acceptance & compassion are the things to help our minds away from negative)
Many negative situations we encounter, often lead many into depression - these situations or thoughts, are actions and thoughts of our past.
The key to moving forward is to reconcile with your past, situation, person - and accept that you can't change the past only the future...
Reconcile & Move forward from the past, find inner peace within yourself & learn build resilience for the future.
It is better to be a person of understanding & acceptance, rather then a person searching for answers..
So often we chase answers, and we want the answers yesterday/now/today because we are so impatient. The truth is, the answers will come when you find peace & a still mind..
Getting a still mind takes great practice & patience also - learn to switch off the mind!!
I find that meditation & mindfulness great for this..
By re introducing and having practical behaviours in your life helps build a place of quiet mind.
Practical skills that anyone can achieve - walking, reading, exercise, having conversations with people about common interests - loving your loved ones, show them you care (don't just tell them)
**I Love You - Is Just A Phrase**
Are you loving your loved ones???
Learn something new - cook a meal, write a story/poem/song (Encouraging the mind to think)
People who are struggling for certain answers in life, often know the right answers to their own problems - it just confirms it better when we hear it from someone else. Often it works better hearing it off others..
When searching for answers, I tell people - what advice would you give your best friend, child or loved one - when they are confronted the exact crisis you are in at the moment???
Follow that advice; because you wouldn't give a loved one the wrong or bad advice when they need would you???
Learn to control the controllable, let go of what you have no control of - it will sort it self out..
It may not have sense at the time, but in years to come - it will all be perfectly clear...