Wellness - Learn To Control The Controllable

Wellness

One of the biggest and best lessons I could ever learn is; when I Am driving myself mad over a certain situation or issue is - 'We can't control certain things that happen to us in our lives - but we can control how we react to it'

For so long I would get myself into a knot worrying about the outcome of an event or even the point the build up anxiety I would make myself physically sick & lock myself away in a room - & not speak to anyone or leave the room for hours.

It was only until the point I learnt I could only control the controllable -  did things begin to improve.

Sometimes it was extremely hard, as in, I couldn't influence my own mind away from the negative outcome - this is why I believe I struggled with so many situations in my sporting & rugby league life - because I believed the negative outcome more often than the positive!! I was beaten in the mind before I was physically beaten in presence.

It wasn't until I learnt a prayer in Alcoholics Anonymous, the Serenity Prayer. It talks of accepting the things you can not change, having the courage to change the things you can knowing the difference between what

You can & what you can't control.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, & the wisdom to know the difference

That prayer put me on a path to training my mind into acceptance, controlling the controllable & letting go of the rest!!

Every single day I encounter thoughts & situations where I have to put this to test. By learning to live in the present moment & control only the things that I can control, did things begin to improve - if we don't, we push the hard/negative times away, down or to the side & when it becomes to much - it starts to over flow into our physical behaviours..

With negative situations & outcomes, often we tell our selves, many things aren't fair, why me, I'm a good person, what did I do to deserve this?? Truth is, that all may be true, but it doesn't change the current situation you are in - these negative  things happen to good people too - not just you (acceptance & compassion are the things to help our minds away from negative)

Many negative situations we encounter, often lead many into depression - these situations or thoughts, are actions and thoughts of our past.

The key to moving forward is to reconcile with your past, situation, person - and accept that you can't change the past only the future...

Reconcile & Move forward from the past, find inner peace within yourself & learn build resilience for the future.

It is better to be a person of understanding & acceptance, rather then a person searching for answers..

So often we chase answers, and we want the answers yesterday/now/today because we are so impatient. The truth is, the answers will come when you find peace & a still mind..

Getting a still mind takes great practice & patience also - learn to switch off the mind!!

I find that meditation & mindfulness great for this..

By re introducing and having practical behaviours in your life helps build a place of quiet mind.

Practical skills that anyone can achieve - walking, reading, exercise, having conversations with people about common interests - loving your loved ones, show them you care (don't just tell them)

**I Love You - Is Just A Phrase**

Are you loving your loved ones???

Learn something new - cook a meal, write a story/poem/song (Encouraging the mind to think)

People who are struggling for certain answers in life, often know the right answers to their own problems - it just confirms it better when we hear it from someone else. Often it works better hearing it off others..

When searching for answers, I tell people - what advice would you give your best friend, child or loved one - when they are confronted the exact crisis you are in at the moment???

Follow that advice; because you wouldn't give a loved one the wrong or bad advice when they need would you???

Learn to control the controllable, let go of what you have no control of - it will sort it self out..

It may not have sense at the time, but in years to come - it will all be perfectly clear...

Jw

Gratefulness, Humility & Compassion - Creates Success

I am huge believer in the words scripted as the title of this blog. I believe anyone who is successful, is just like you me - but they chose to seize the opportunity when it presented itself.

We all know people who are suffering. Weather it be illness, financial breakdown the hurt caused by the loss of a loved one.

The thing is, almost every single person in history who has been successful, has a back story of physical & emotional hurt, sadness, grief or loss - they just chose to seize that moment and take it as an opportunity rather than a setback.

Michael Jordan, greatest basketball player of all time - was cut from his high school & university team. He had an option to give up, sulk, or seize that moment as a trigger to spur himself into working harder.

I have had many set backs, emotionally & physically challenging moments in my life - loss of family members, marriage breakdown, separation from children, bankruptcy, injury, suicide attempt - the list goes on...

But how I've bounced forward, rather than back (something I learnt from reading Sam Cawthorns story in book titled Transformations) is the thing that sets me apart.

The term makes sense, you would much rather bounce forward into bigger things, than bounce back to the same place you were before the set back.

I've continually strived for a higher achievement from where Ive been - always trying to make things better, improving by the tiniest of increments - the little 1% improvements always add up.

How I do this - you can do also, not by competing with me, trying to outdo anyone else or being better than anyone - but by improving yourself, again by the tiniest of increments!!

Gratefulness - always be grateful for the situation you may be in; it is easy to ind negative in every situation but choose to seek the positive - the key thing is, you opened your eyes today, meaning you are ALIVE - you are reading this blog, meaning you can READ..

Always be grateful by the situation you are in - by choosing to look for the positives. Even it they may be heavily outweighed by negative - their are still some positive, build on that!!

COMPASSION

By showing compassion to every person I interact with helps me find positives - everybody has a story we know nothing about.

The reason, that man or lady gave you a mouthful this morning might be that he didn't sleep a wink lastnight because he is going through a divorce, or his child is terminally ill?? Who knows...

I was telling a friend, I have absolutely no hate for anyone in this world - my friend then asked, what if a person seriously or callously attacked or hurt a loved ones??? My reply - that person must have a reason... Doesn't justify the act, but everyone behaves a certain way, for a certain reason..

They maybe the victim of such attack or do so out of desperation, in order to feed their family (if talking physical assault & or robbery)

Such events will seriously anger and upset me - but I would always challenge myself to find compassion for such a person, as everyone acts a certain way, for a certain reason.

HUMILITY

Always be & always remain humble. Best piece of advice my father gave me was - 'don't ever think you are better than anyone else - you are human, you will one day die and be placed in a box/or in the ground like everyone else - look at the King or queen, they still stand up or sit down to go to the toilet just like you or me (if you know my father, his words may not have been as polite lol)

There was a time I was 'lost in the bright lights' of profile and fake glamour - thankfully I am far from that person today and don't see myself better than the next person.

Gratefulness, Compassion & Humility - 3 very important keys to living a successful life; success isn't measured by money, houses clothes or fast cars - because once you find these keys in your life,  you start to realise you don't need the glitz & glamour to love or be loved - & all the money in the world can not buy you love & happiness you find in one another when you are grateful for the life you live!!

Being successful is measured by happiness

My life has been up & down - but I wouldn't change a thing...

Coz I'm happy

Jw

I am not a label - I am me; Joe

Recently I saw a YouTube clip by the great Prince Ea, titled 'I am not black; & you are not white' https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q0qD2K2RWkc

It got me thinking -  in my life I have been many labels, but the one thing I know for certain is - I will do all that I can to not be defined by one.

A label is something society puts on us - to trick us to believing that we should be something or someone that everyone wants us to be, when the truth is you are the only person who defines you & can make you become the person you want to become.

In my life I have been labelled many things - black, white, sportsman, smart, dumb, ugly, attractive, tall, short, fat, skinny etc - but the truth is; I am only those things if I choose to believe them - in fact I am all of those things if I choose to be them. 

I am somebody who CHOOSES to be a little left of centre, out there, challenging... Why? Because I like to challenge people's perceptions!! I like to break the mould in being completely different to what people expects me to be - why people expect me to be that certain way is because society places an expectation of who we are, what we should be & why we should be!!

Examples; I was a school boy Rugby League player, who got up at my school assembly and belted out a piano accoustic, love song ballad by Joshua Kadison - in front of 1500 students at a catholic male high school. I was teased & ridiculed (behind me back of course) for being a Nancy boy singer - until I ran out and captained the school Rugby League team, scored a few tries & kicked a bag full of goals - wait, a Nancy boy singer isn't supposed to do that..

Well who says???

I have always been someone who wanted to break the mould and change people's opinions & perceptions of what is supposed to be the norm.

I wasn't the most aggressive Rugby League player when I played in the NRL, which led people to believe I wouldn't make it as a boxer... Again a perception of what a boxer should be or look like without actually knowing the individual - I came out, won a bunch of fights including 2 WBF World title belts. Changed a few perceptions...

my favorite is - I have Aboriginal heritage, so when I tell people on the phone - there is a perception of; what I should be, how I should look, talk, act & behave..

Again I like to blow that perception away and lead people to not have a perception of who, what & why we should be - these perceptions are nothing but LABELS.

In attending corporate settings, & in everyday life we are often asked - 'so what do you do'??

My name is Joe and I am - Joe!!

If we are referring to society's labels, I am many things, I am an Aboriginal man, father, fiancé, friend, sports person, recovering alcoholic/drug addict, mentor, author, activist, truth talker, university student, lover of lollies, mental health & suicide advocate, left handed, musician, singer, runner, personal trainer, life coach, charity ambassador, fashion designer, cake maker, manic depressive Bi Polar, Holden driving fisherman who has suicidal tendancies daily, former NRL playing professional boxer, who loves watching ballet - nice to meet you...

Imagine we introduced ourselves as everything society wanted us to be???

Above all of that, I am one thing - I am me; Joe Williams

so often we look at colour of skin, selection of interest, sexuality etc etc ect - to define who we should be, because that's how people want us to be...

How about just being you, the very person you dream of being - because at the end of the day, the only person who can help you achieve those things, those thoughts, those goals - is you!!

I challenge you this, be that person YOU who want to be - shed the label & start living the way you want to live, why??? Because YOU are in control of your own destiny, not society - when you are buried, you are the only person in that box; DO YOU, BE YOU, NOW!!!

I AM NOT A LABEL, I AM ME; JOE

Moments In Time

Moments In Time...

You ever have those times that make you think - 'wow, this is a moment I will treasure forever'

This week during my trip to Las Vegas, I cuddled my recently found friend Kevin Hines & fought back tears - tears because, if my suicide attempt had of been a different outcome, I would not have been around to experience such an amazing journey.

One week doesn't sound like much, but to spend time with such an amazing group of inspiring individuals - it felt like a month long journey of continual learning. Let me

Introduce you to the #NatCon16 contingent of #TeamRippleAus

Greg Van Borsum (GVB) an amazing human being, like the Dad of the group - a man who if I wrote down every single accolade I would be here all night. Greg has an inspiring story for every single topic of conversation; from winning Mr Australia body builder, to co directing the film Happy Feet to being part of the ensemble of the 7 Academy Award winning film Mad Max; Fury Road. Certainly an incredible man with loads of life experience. The experience that bought us together was his story of losing friends to suicide. Losing close friends, to being in the grip himself, GVB found inspiration within himself to speak up and inspire others within the construction industry. I could talk for hours on this man, a true gentleman and one who is definitely on this earth to keep people alive.

Sam Webb & Casey Lyons - the boys behind the suicide prevention charity LIVIN

Having the slogan 'it ain't weak to speak' LIVIN aims to breakdown the stigma of mental illness through fashion, social media & events. The boys travel the country co ordinating events and delivering workshops around eliminating stigma. LIVIN came about after Casey lost his best friend since the 1st day of school to suicide. Sam was with their friend on the night of his death and was in constant contact with him but still nobody saw what was to be the loss of life for a beautiful friend.

In an instant, the boys knew that something had to be done, to help save the lives of the  ones who suffer in silence. LIVIN was formed and are now spreading the word that

'It ain't weak to speak'

Patty Lawson - this one is a special one for me and one that is close to my heart. Pat and I have known each other for many years, having grown up in the town of Wagga Wagga together.

Me being fairly publicly open about my mental illness struggles, when Patty was diagnosed with Anxiety,

Depression & an attempt on his life - Patty turned to myself for a bit of guidance. After meeting for coffee, we spoke about the troubles he had coming to terms with things. Since that day I have seen this man, from his own doing, grow from strength to strength in helping others and inspiring many he comes into contact with.

Through helping people locally and afar, Pat started a Facebook video blog - 3 Words; I Need Help - with daily blogs about how he is feeling, with honesty & at times raw emotion coming through the screen. Patty is

Helping thousands of people with shares of his video blogs and honest character - a great family man who's doing his best to inspire many across the country and also the rural farming community.

Lauren Breen (Loz) - The organiser of our crew & only female on this trip, Loz is bereaved by suicide with the loss of her 19 yr old brother in 2008.

Following this heartbreaking time in her life, Loz set out on a journey to help educate people on the effects of Mental Illness & the effects suicide has on a family through the loss of a loved one.

Lauren lives in Perth on the west coast of Australia, works a full time job as team leader of a Mental Health program in Perth. Seeing the ripple effect suicide has on a family from a professional perspective, but also from direct family experience. Lauren is part of Suicide Prevention Australia's (SPA) lived experience leadership group & also charity ambassador for SPA, Loz is doing great things in the mental health space across the country and although living in Western Australia,  helps me personally by helping coordinate my calendar and streaming emails and locking in events - has saved me many a headache through locking away events and organising my forgetful unorganised ways. So a huge personal thank you to the self proclaimed boss of the #TeamRippleAust #NatCon16 Las Vegas contingent.

Writing this blog on the flight home to Australia, I look back on a week of laughs, learning, boisterous banter, & at times tears - is has definitely been one I will never forget, definitely a moment in time!!!

JW

#TeamRippleAus

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