I have lived with this for as long as I can remember - since I was just a kid...
Every single day I face an attack on my brain. Thoughts planted into my mind, convincing me I am not worthy to live any longer; I am worthless and that I should end my life.
I could be driving down a freeway, a voice tells me to swerve into oncoming traffic, to jump from my car, jump in front of cars when walking along a busy street - all this on any regular day.
I live with paranoia - that everyone is thinking negative thoughts about me, wanting me to fail & waiting for me to stuff up - this is the main reason I don't let people into my close knit circle.
I have very few friends & find it near impossible to trust; anybody!!
Despite all this, I have lived my entire life, fighting this illness to not get the better of me. There are tough times, when I want to give up, but I find that 1% I need to grip onto life. Some days I'm a mental wreck, aggressive, and short fused; these are the days I must fight hardest to beat the demons and find that inner me, the real me who's peaceful, loving and kind.
Their have been days where I'm a sports star, a profiled community member, days when I am traveling Australia, the world helping others, days where my life looks perfect..
There's also the days when I'm a poor family man, not the Dad I should be, and hardly a friend to anyone..
But believe me I'm trying my best. Not only am I trying my best to be a good man, Dad, Fiancé, family man & friend - the one thing I'm trying my hardest to do....
Is stay alive....
It May Battle Me; It Won't Beat Me