Today proved this illness I carry is alive and kicking..
I set off on the road at 6am from Dubbo after spending a positive night before playing music at a local establishment. I had planned this trip to deliver a workshop on resilience and leadership.
Despite taking over 5hrs in the car down, I am usually bright, positive and enthused to deliver each session - today felt a little different.
Today the negative drone of thoughts, seem to overpower every point of my day - once again, the constant chatter of negative thoughts seemed so loud that it began to affect my physical appearance. I was shaking, rocking back and forth, arguing with my own self...
I was due to deliver my session on resilience in front of a packed room, when I had the thought - how on earth can I share my strengths and journey in resilience when I couldn't bare to stand in front of anyone and share anything???
I said to myself - Joe, this illness is real, and it can effect you at any stage of the day - today was evidence of this - don't pretend or put on a poker face, I encourage people to talk when they aren't well - now is my time to live that message!!!
I had to...
I got up and delivered a heartfelt message of not only who I am and my story - but also how I was feeling, how I didn't want to be there, how I almost walked away to my car 3 times to drive 5hrs home and how the negative I've been overwhelmed with all day - almost stopped me from speaking and sharing my story!!
As much as everyone needed to hear my story today and the positive work I do, it was even more important to share that I carry this illness everyday is alive and if not careful at can get you at any vulnerability.
The reason I encourage people to talk about their problems, is because it helps. Today, second by second and minute by minute during my presentation the negative thoughts began to weaken, the sweat on my brow dried up and I was sharing with the confidence and positivity I deliver in every session.
Today was a lesson that, my illness is alive within me and no matter how hard my day may seem I can recite my favourite quote...
It May Battle Me; But It Won't Beat Me
Huge thanks to my great friends Ali Taylor (TopTenNight) Sam Webb (LIVIN) Greg Van Borsum (GVB-MindWarrior) for their awesome support for me today!!